Amber Smith has (thankfully) left the state

So why are Judy Bullockus and her fellow Capo Unified School Board members asking the (Texas-bound) right-wing zealot to decide what books kids can read?

If you’re a reader of this site, you may well be familiar with the life and legend of Amber Smith, the Hannibal Lechter of local hard-right culture warriors who (in no particular order):

A. Runs the wildly popular @reformcapousd Instagram feed.

B. Has probably read a book.

C. Has never met a conspiracy theory worth rejecting.

D. Smells of citrus and vanilla.

E. Spells IQ with a silent umlaut ë.

F. Now lives in Texas.

Wait.

What?

Yes, you have read that last one correctly. Our long, national nightmare is over. Smith, a uniquely incurious-yet-cruel-yet-petty Florida native who has devoted the entirety of her energies toward demonizing those who don’t fit into a certain Botoxed Christian nationalistic archetype, is now pitching tent in The Colony, Texas, where she and her daughter are heading up The Smith Family Agency Brightway Insurance Team—aka: We Will Never Allow Trans Athletes to Compete for Your Health or Auto Insurance!

And, sincerely, I wish Amber well in the Lone Star State. I hope she enjoys the 120-degree July days, the 350-mile drive to the nearest ocean, the roadkill steak with a side of salmonella served just right at the nearby cantina. I hope her Ted Cruz mornings and Ken Paxton nights are as magnificent as her dreams have dared them to be.

In all seriousness, I do wish her well and hope she finds some sense of contentment.

But here’s the weird thing.

The really weird thing.

The really weird and disconcerting thing.

While Amber Smith has made it clear she is going-going-gone, literally writing on her real estate website that, “I now call Texas home,” she continues to have a loud voice in Capo Unified School Board policy and decision making. If you need proof, just check out the IMRC (Instructional Material Review Committee) Agenda meeting that was held earlier this week inside district headquarters.

Now, for those unfamiliar with the IMRC, it’s (more or less) a committee of educators and staffers who (supposedly independent of the School Board’s members) review new books and materials brought into a district. Contrived example: A 10th-grade teacher wants to use, oh, Jimmy Breslin’s “The World According to Breslin” to teach her students about New York City. She tells the principal, the principal tells the School Board, the School Board tells the IMRC, the IMRC holds a meeting where the pros and cons of “The World According to Breslin” are weighed and discussed.

And, in a normal society where teachers are trusted, the book is green lit without much debate.

Alas …

Here in South Orange County, we don’t live in a normal society. We occupy a Moms for Liberty/Calvary Chapel-poisoned cesspool, where Jesus belongs in schools and climate change is iffy science and Donald Trump looks less like this, more like this.

In regards to the IMRC and Capo Unified, each of the seven school board members are required (via School Board Policy 6161.1) to appoint a community member to serve as a representative. That means they attend meetings and possess amplified impact and powers when it comes to ultimately deciding the fate of a text. And while you would think, logically, these important representatives of education and enlightenment would (in their day jobs) serve as, oh, college professors or authors or text book publishers, one of the newly chosen representatives is …

(Drumroll, please)

… Amber Smith.

Who.

Is.

Dumb.

As.

Sand.

And.

No.

Longer.

Flippity.

Fucking.

Lives.

Here.

It is staggering, and ridiculous, and jaw-dropping. Through the years, Smith has attended Capo Unified School Board meetings to (among other things): complain about “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” (Oct. 16, 2024), demand other attendees “shut up” (April 23, 2025), distribute photos from a graphic novel (July 19, 2023), whine about boys in girls restrooms (Feb. 22, 2023), and insist “free thinkers” know better than scientists when it comes to masks (Aug. 17, 2022).

But her appointment is also, sadly, unsurprising. Smith was tabbed for her slot via Judy Bullockus, the veteran board member who once complained about an environmental science book not teaching “the other side of climate change” and who, earlier this year, gained national fame/notoriety/David Duke street cred for dropping the n-word during a School Board meeting. Amber and Judy have a storied history of fighting to ban books that fail to meet their funhouse mirror Christian nationalistic standards. Here, from June 2023, is an exchange between the two on how, precisely, they select material to outlaw …

Along with Lisa Davis (the board president and a woman who smiles toward children as if they were slices of mom’s pot roast), Jennifer Adnams (member of a weird-ass religious group where attendees are punished for farting) and Lisa Zollinger (dim as the fog), Bullockus is one fourth of a monstrous MAGA school board majority. These are women who look friendly, speak softly, talk of love and respect and decency—but have never, ever, ever met a Trumpian culture war they refuse to fight. Hell, it was but half a year ago that Davis, Adnams, Bullockus and Adams teamed up with a vile hate group operator to hijack an official school board meeting.

So here we were, a few nights ago at the IMRC, and up for debate were two highly respected books that teachers nationwide have used in their classrooms. One was “Poet X,” written by Elizbeth Aceveda. The other was “Born a Crime,” by Trevor Noah. Neither is even slightly, slightly, slightly offensive or offputting … unless you’re a right-wing culture freakoid who finds the perspectives of Black people/Latino people/LGBTQ+ people objectionable. Over the course of a few hours, there was mostly polite, reasoned debate. Some citizens spoke. Some teachers spoke.

And then, Amber Smith spoke.

Sort of.

As the meeting was going down, Amber sat—quite literally—on a flight to Texas. That’s not an exaggeration. She posted an image on Instagram from the plane as the IMRC session transpired. Meanwhile, someone at the meeting read aloud Amber’s notes regarding the books in question. Here is the direct recording of said notes, superimposed with the Madonna video for “Like a Virgin” …

And while it’s not the point of this post, I’ll just state the obvious: Amber Smith almost certainly read, in full, neither book. No way in hell. Like, nooooooo way. Her points are paint-by-number nonsense, plucked from any number of hard-right, diversity-is-evil Christian bologna outlets.

What is the point, though, is this: Why is Judy Bullockus empowering a woman who no longer lives here to impact academic decisions? Why is Judy Bullockus teaming up with a woman who has no academic credentials, who spells and punctuates like a blind llama, who doesn’t know the first thing about education, enlightenment, free thought? Why is Judy Bullockus (along with three other board members) force feeding the community this culture warrior bullshit? Why can’t they just (please, dear God) care about education? Quality education? The type of education where everyone feels comfortable, and all students are embraced, and a Trevor Noah book is just as valued as a Ronald Reagan book?

Why do we have to do this stuff?

And why, oh why, can’t we just let Amber Smith leave for Texas?

Why can’t Judy Bullockus quit her?