A clown show of stupidity

Last night's Capo Unified School District board meeting was a waste of time (unless you were a far-right culture warrior looking to pass a toothless resolution).

I remember, long ago as a Sports Illustrated senior writer, being assigned to cover the John Ruiz-Evander Holyfield heavyweight fight in Paradise, Nevada.

Because I was a young scribe, I prepared and prepared and prepared. I showed up early, spent time with Ruiz in his Paris Las Vegas hotel suite, watched Holyfield work the speed bag. I was as ready as I’d ever been; set to own the fight and uncover every little detail.

Then, pfft.

The 12-round battle was as enticing as a bag of cabbage. The two fighters were plodding, disinterested, half-hearted. It was a meh fight on a meh night in a meh town, and by the time the end was nigh I found myself thinking, “Well, those are some hours I’m never getting back …”

Which leads me to last night’s Capo Unified School District board meeting.

Or, put different: Holy shit.

Holy, holy shit.

First, a sincere observation: Were I to list the 50,000 ways one can spend a Wednesday night in Southern California, ATTENDING CAPO UNIFIED SCHOOL DISTRICT BOARD MEETING would rank 49,999th, directly behind EAT YOUR LATE GRANDMOTHER’S FOSSILIZED EAR WAX FROM THE JAR SHE LEFT IN HER CLOSET and right before LISTEN TO THIS SONG ON AN ENDLESS LOOP FOR 27-STRAIGHT DAYS. I cannot overstate how boring these things are, and if it’s not one person droning on about classroom sizes, it’s another person correcting another person correcting a third person in regards to a point about another point that no one actually cares about.

Yawn.

That said, last night offered the potential for fireworks. Among the 859 things the board was prepared to discuss and debate in the final gathering of the academic year was Resolution No. 2425-30: SUPPORTING TITLE IX AND FAIRNESS IN GIRLS’ INTERSCHOLASTIC SPORTS. And, basically, this was an opportunity for the four-person MAGA majority (it’s a seven-person board) to continue to inflict cultural warfare upon a relatively purple school district that has featured (wait for it) literally zero trans athletes over the course of its three-decade history. Or, put different: Lisa Davis, Judy Bullockus, Jennifer Adnams and (to a much lesser extent) Lisa Zollinger aspired to earn their MAGA colors and far-right stripes by showing their peeps, “Look, we’re grossed out by the trans freaks, too! So let’s fuck ‘em up!”

Such are the spoils of 2025 existence.

I actually arrived super early. The meeting was slated for 7, and I got there around, oh, 4:30. By the time I joined the line, there were roughly two dozen people waiting. That’s sorta how it goes in these highly partisan times, where the early birds get the speaking slots. By sheer weird luck (well, not really luck. Someone switched their spot with me), I wound up standing alongside Amber Smith, who runs the @reformcapousd Instagram feed—a one-stop shop for all your local unhinged right-wing needs. And it was funny. I knew Amber was next to me. Amber clearly knew I was next to her. But no words were exchanged until we entered the building, and she looked at me to complain (not without merit) about a past post in which I referred to her “rabid hamster energy” and also made a related dildo comment. As surprising as this might sound, upon hearing Amber’s comments I immediately regretted the phrasing, and would like to corrupt this post by saying to Amber, “That was an unnecessary low blow. I apologize.”

But wait. Enough of the mush …

The line was long.

Amber was pissed at me.¹

My stomach was grumbling.

I needed to pee.

The meeting was set to commence.

We got inside, found our seats—and I was pleasantly surprised to be surrounded by 20 or so Bergeson Elementary School students, in attendance to defend two of their teachers who (I can’t tell) were either being reassigned or fired …

A fifth grader named Zach plopped down by my side. Funny tyke. Dark hair, bemused grin. Red T-shirt. As his eyes glassed over during the drudgery I nudged him and said, “Stay a kid as long as possible.” He smiled and seemed to understand what I meant.

After hours upon hours, the Title IX trans athlete discussion finally arrived. You could feel a shift in the room. The air changed. On the right side, near the front, maybe 15-to-20 right-wingers sat, exchanging knowing thoughts and expressions. Most of the other folks (perhaps 65 percent of attendees) were, like me, lefties.

And in these you’re-wrong-I’m-right days, I’m pretty sure we all wound up sharing a similar emotion: Meh.

Just … meh.

Members of the board swatted points back and forth. For a long-ass time. This is about protecting girls. No, this is about political points. No, this is about fair v. unfair. No, this is about you being a Trump pawn. No, this is about honor. No, this is about honor. No …

Lisa Davis, the board president who reminds me of Nancy Reagan frozen in carbonite, was unrelenting. An aspiring Sonja Shaw (but minus the charisma and kick-ass hair), Davis is now far more MAGA parroter than functioning school board head. The problem with that is she’s also quite dull. Whether you agree with Davis’ stances or disagree, she boasts the charm of a turnip lathered in ketchup. Lots of words, minuscule intellect, kiddie pool depth, deception out the wazoo. Even as Gila Jones, the veteran board member, did her all to play Neville Chamberlain and find common ground, Davis wasn’t having it. There had to be a vote! There needed to be a vote! This is far too important to not vote upon! She had her marching orders from Shaw, and she was sticking to them. It screamed: We will own the libs!

Surprisingly, the breakout star of the affair was Zollinger, who largely aligns with the other MAGAs, but tonight seemed less inclined to fully do so. When she spoke up, I found myself momentarily mesmerized. Not because I technically agree (or disagree) with her point, but because she oozed a level of genuineness the event desperately called for …

If we’re all being honest, the trans sports issue is highly complicated and painfully politicized. You have one side saying, “This is unfair and wrong!”—and many of the reasons they offer make sense to a wide swath of America. You have the other side saying, “Trans kids are incredibly vulnerable, and these types of actions are meant to devastate them”—and many of the reasons they offer make sense to a wide swath of America. Even if you believe it to be obvious and easy, it’s not obvious and easy. And (locally) it’s made far, far, far, far worse by the ambitious-yet-diabolical Shaw, who recently thought it a wise use of her free time to attend a high school track meet and mock and berate both a trans athlete and the trans athlete’s mother …

It’s disturbing stuff, made worse by the fact that “fairness in sports” advocates like Shaw never, ever, ever, ever touch the three primary causes of actual local unfairness in youth sports:

1. Parents holding their kids back one or two years so they have an edge.

2. PED and steroids in high school football.

3. Schools secretly recruiting student-athletes from other districts.

[But what would I know? I’m just a sports writer.]

I digress.

The session had highs and lows and lowest lows. Krisa Castellanos, the sane board member, tried explaining how a vote felt unnecessary, considering it would amount to mere resolution, not any sort of law. Davis countered by uttering a bunch of sentences strung together by either Shaw or a Chat GPT “What can I say to make people think trans kids are awful?” search. Jennifer Adnams looked to be falling asleep. Judy Bullockus was (I’m quite certain) Googling “Are Marcus Garvey and Steve Garvey the same person?” on her phone. Gila Jones just wanted everyone to get along. Zach had long ago left the room in an apparent coma. I found myself jealous of Zach for having left the room in an apparent coma.

When it was time for public comments, I used my minute to say this …

Did my words make a difference? Literally 0%. Earlier in the day, while standing on line, I overheard Amber note to a friend, “It’s not going to matter—it’ll pass” … and she knew whereof she spoke. A vote was ultimately taken, the resolution did pass and the remaining attendees neither clapped nor booed, but shuffled off into the night with far fewer brain cells and desperately in need of sleep.

After approximately five hours, the Capo School Board resolved to … um, resolve. Something. Maybe. Perhaps.

Meanwhile, some trans kid out there wonders whether anyone gives two shits about their well-being.

Or whether life is merely one big slice of inanity.

1. Amber also told me I’m not much of a writer. And while she certainly has a right to her opinion, and may in fact be correct, I will continue my efforts to dazzle her.