The President will not be attending ...
His son's wedding.
In case you missed this, Donald Trump says he will not be attending his son’s wedding this weekend.
Luckily, he has a good excuse: He’s a dickhead.
Seriously, that’s pretty much his (un)stated reason for refusing to witness the knot tying between Donald Trump Jr. and Bettina Anderson. Or, as the president wrote on social media: “I feel it is important for me to remain in Washington, D.C., at the White House during this important period of time.”
And, eh … this seems like a pretty solid spot to remind people that, since returning to the White House, Donald Trump has played golf, well … let’s actually put AI to good use here …
And even though I loathe Donald Trump, Jr., and even though Bettina Anderson is the walking embodiment of a soulless ghoul, I actually feel weirdly bad for the couple. I mean, hells—your dad is the president! Of the United States! And while he has never shown any real love for you (Don, Jr.), and while he has the compassion of a lamp, and while he’s probably missing the event to raw dog a 14-year-old prostitute, and while it seems quite, eh, expected for a father to attend his son’s wedding …
Wait. Where was I?
Oh, right. Donald Trump is awful. We all know his refusal to attend has nothing to do with this “important period of time” and everything to do with, “don’t feel like going, bruh.” Hell, 14 active duty United States presidents found time to attend the weddings of their children—including (a) John Tyler, who allowed his blessed Elizabeth to marry William Waller inside the White House (even when it lacked a bullet-proof ballroom!); (b) FDR, who drove all the way to Delaware (FDR, Jr.) and Massachusetts (John) to watch his two sons drop some vows; (c ) Harry Truman, who returned to Missouri to attend Margaret Truman’s wedding to Clifton Daniel. And lord knows, nobody vacations in Missouri.
So the next time some white-bread Christian pastor with a mega-church and a private jet compares the president to Jesus Christ, ask whether Jesus Christ would miss his son’s wedding under the guise that he needs to oversee the irrational bombing of a far-away nation.
Actually, don’t ask.
The answer will just frustrate you.