Thank you, Scott Walker

Finally, a man who understands his city and his leaders.

Scott Walker: If nothing else, honest

So I watched last night’s Huntington Beach City Council meeting. And the big takeaway was: This is not us.

We are not racists.

We are not xenophobes.

We do not support white supremacists.

We love kittens and Smurfs and Bobby Grich and Hallmark movies where a white women with great hair returns home to her small town and meets the love of her life at the local tavern while drinking from an empty mug of Christmas cocoa.

Wait.

I digress.

One by one last night, council members offered their strongly worded condemnations of the recent post-Charlie Kirk awfulness the city had endured. Pat Burns, the mayor whose hot mic oftentimes catches his slurs. Gracey Van Der Mark, the council member pictured flashing the QAnon sign. Chad Williams, the porn-promoting ex-Navy SEAL who recently re-posted a Civil War-esque Us. V Them screed as his IG story.

Here sat seven people who have never spoken out against Donald Trump’s attacks on civil rights, on equal rights. Who have no problem with Trump targeting Black women with dizzying ferocity; who have no problem with Trump rounding up Latino people (citizens and non-citizens) via masked ICE agents. Who have no problem with Trump mocking the clubbing of Paul Pelosi. Who have no problem with Trump’s repeated anti-Semitic tropes and images. Who have no problem with Trump bragging about grabbing women by the pussies. Who have no problem with Trump’s ridiculing of POWs for “being captured.” Who have no problem with Trump’s repeated lies about his (non) Sept. 11 heroism. Who have no problem with the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol. Who have turned City Council meetings into WWE verbal cage matches.

Here sat seven self-acknowledged patriots, horrified by (egad!) white supremacists taking to their streets and urging us all to come together.

This is not us, they explained. This can never be us. Because we are not bad. We are good. Really good. Gooder than good. We are the goodest, and if white supremacists come to Huntington Beach, we will tell you how upset we are by leaning into microphones and expressing outrage at both sides (Both sides!).

But then, praise Jesus, a man named Scott Walker stepped to the mic. And Walker is a Huntington Beach City Council sorta dude. Made-in-China Trump hat, feisty-ass tats running up and down his arms, a gold (maybe gold?) cross dangling from his neck, a natural puff-up flex without even trying. Indoor sunglasses.

And just when it seemed as if “This is not us” T-shirts would be peddled at the door alongside peace pipes and slices of apple pie, Walker cleared his throat and had something to say …

And, truly, I am thankful for Scott Walker. Because while his screed was bonkers and weird and violent and the sort of stuff a Newsmax anchor would clumsily cut off after 20 seconds, it was a perfect representation of the brain worm that has infected both a city and a nation.

We are not racists, the council told us. We are never racists.

We are, merely, a reflection of you.

PS: It has been brought to my attention that “Scott Walker” actually goes by “Based Skywalker.” Which, I dunno, feels pretty fucking desperate. So I’m leaving it as “Scott Walker.”

PPS: Here he is, kicking ass and puffin’ up like a guy who reads very slowly. And here’s another fun one. And here’s a photo of him with Gracey—the Council member who really just wants everyone to get along …