Pronouns
Maybe we should reconsider our approach.
So the other day I attended a Democratic Club meeting in Laguna Niguel. It was enjoyable and uplifting, and midway through the affair the group’s president introduced two young women from Planned Parenthood, who were scheduled to deliver some remarks.
They rose, walked toward the podium, said their names …
… and the pronouns they go by.
I go by “She/Her.”
I also go by “She/Her.”
And I want to stop and say something important: I have no problem with folks expressing their pronouns. I truly don’t. If it’s something you consider important, well, hey—it’s something you consider important. Period.
However …
As we, the liberals and Democrats of the United States of America, fight for our nation and to convince people who lean right that Donald Trump/MAGA is the sinister path, I question whether announcing our pronouns unsolicited is a genuinely wise (political) course of action. Why? Because I think there are many, many, many Americans (and not just MAGA types) who feel battered and worn down by what they consider the left’s nonstop semantical battle to change the way we think and identify each other. I think people feel demeaned, manipulated, insulted, irritated. I’m not saying it’s logical or fair or justified, but I do believe it’s the perception at hand. Which is unfortunate, because in political messaging perception>>>reality.
Along those lines, the moment we (again, unsolicited) introduce ourselves with our pronounces, I feel like a good number of Americans are like, “Ugh, why do we need to do this all … the … time?”
Now, there’s a strong counter-point to this. Namely, “Why should I change the way I address a crowd just because of some assholes?” And it’s a fair question. Schoolyard 101: The minute you succumb to a bully, the bully wins. But, well, we’re not on the asphalt of Lakeview Elementary. We’re in a fight for Democracy. Lately I’ve been watching some of the rallies held by Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and what strikes me is how relentlessly fierce they sound. There’s nothing sensitive or pandering about the messaging. Zero fluffiness to be found. It’s more Mike Ditka than Mother Teresa. The two politicians are screaming, “It’s time to roll up our sleeves and throw a bunch of haymakers. Hard.”
In short: Bernie and AOC understand that the post-election messaging Democrats have resorted to didn’t work; that Americans are tired and angry and need to be riled up. The Republicans have successfully defined liberals with wedge issues painting us as campus-rioting soy milk sippers who buy organic and cry during “Terms of Endearment”1 and think Michael Phelps should be allowed to put on a wig and compete in the girls’ 100-meter freestyle. Yeah, it’s preposterous. But it’s out there.
And, well, we need to remind people that we’re thugs. That we’re done taking shit. That we’re not Steve Urkel, but Floyd Patterson. That—in a sense—to hell with sensitivity. We’re here to brawl.
So, again, I’m not anti-pronouns.
I’m pro-connecting.
Guilty.
I hear you, but I am confused by your take here.
The PP folks stated their names and, without being solicited to do so, their pronouns. If they did so without being solicited at all, why were you concerned? They offered their preferred pronouns - what does that have to do with you at all?
I also love the working-class-focused politics of Bernie and AOC. But, please please consider that working class politics and liberatory gender politics are not mutually exclusive.
We have been told during our entire lives that gender is binary and, essentially, superficial. If you look like a dude, you are a dude. If you look like a lady, you are lady. And being a dude means you don't cry, and it means you like guns, and it means you have a penis, and it means you like sex, and it means you like war...and whatever else the culture gods tell us it means. And being a lady means the opposite of all that...and whatever else the culture gods tell us it means. Do you ever get tired of conforming to all that?
Feel free to disagree, but I think that someone who looks like a dude asking me to refer to them as "she" or that someone who looks like a lady asking me to refer to them as "he" or being in situation where I am asked, for even just a second, to consider that everything I have been told about gender, he/she, dude/lady, penis/vagina, etc. etc. might be complete bullshit is incredibly liberatory and radical in all the best ways. That doesn't mean it's easy or comfortable. But that's exactly why we fight.
Solidarity Always.
I love your books, and I love your takes, Jeff. You rock.