Marco Carralero for School Board? Is this a joke?

Yeah, let's elect the gut health dude who wants to bring firearms into churches.

For the most part, I’ve enjoyed running this website.

I’ve met some fascinating people, I’ve learned a ton about local politics, I’ve come to see that many fine people (of all political stripes) aspire to help their communities.

Truly, it’s been a net positive.

However …

There are also times when this experience causes me to long for a heavy rock to take me out. To long for a black darkness to wipe out to earth. To long for the ghost of Dana Plato to come down from her cloud and slaughter us with a sword of collective terror.

Today is one of those days.

•••

It has been brought to my attention that we have yet another entrant into the upcoming race to land a (coveted?) spot on the Capo Unified School District board. The man who has decided to run for the trustee area 4 slot (which covers portions of Laguna Niguel and Dana Point) is Marco Carralero, and he drives a neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck. And if you’re thinking, “That’s impossible. What type of Alabama dill weed would drive a neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck?”—well, the answer is the Marco Carralero species of Alabama dill weed. And here’s his truck …

For what it’s worth Daily Nouri is a company Marco started with his wife. It peddles probiotics and such, with an emphasis on gut health. And while probiotics are not my thing, and companies like Daily Nouri give me the willies (Science? What science …), I suppose I’ve got no beef with gut health. I have a gut. I like it being healthy.

So … sell all the pills and tabs and secret sauces you like, kiddies.

Sell what you like.

That said, Marco Carralero shouldn’t step within two inches of the school board. First, because he not only appears to have zero background in education, but—based on a thin bio—seems to be of a certain species where public education is frowned upon. Especially the type with books. And, um, reading. And teachers who don’t spew Reagan and Biblical quotes. Once upon a time, Marco was a Claremont Institute fellow—meaning he was paid to learn at an organization that (though technically devoted to the Constitution and rule of law) has fully thrown itself at the feet and mercy of MAGA and Donald Trump. Claremont now seems to exist to deconstruct the ideas of liberal democracy, and make our country as insufferably MAGA as possible.

But, wait. I’m babbling.

Some things about Marco …

• Marco was a key plaintiff in a lawsuit to lower gun restrictions in California. In particular, he fought to be able to bring his gun into churches and hospitals. I’m not entirely sure why a dude living in Orange County needs reduced firearm restrictions inside churches and hospitals, but maybe he’s worried about someone stealing his neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck.

Also, in the spirit of “The company you keep,” here’s a list of Marco’s co-plaintiffs: Garrison Ham, Orange County Gun Owners PCA, San Diego County Gun Owners PAC, California Gun Rights Foundation, and Firearms Policy Coalition Inc.

When this campaign heats up, someone needs to ask Marco how he feels about firearms on school property.

Someone has to ask him.

• Caroline Carralero, Marco’s wife/business partner/co-owner of the neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck, has appeared on Fox News to offer up her anti-vaccination views, and on Newsmax to praise a man who appears to be her lord and savior—Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

And she doesn’t just like RFK, Jr. She loves him. Looooooooves him. Which, I have to guess, means Marco looooooooves him, too. Which is terrifying. Because RFK, Jr. is a motherfucking nut.

But, again, she loves him like she loves the neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck.

Wait. Here’s the wildest part about Marco’s wife.

The wildest.

When one visits her LinkedIn page, they find this under education …

Translation: After being home schooled by her mother, she dropped out of college, then received a fellowship:

A. From one of the most evil and ruinous men in modern world history.

B. That is given only to people who drop out of college in order to seek their own truths. I’m not making that shit up. The wife of a new school board candidate bypassed a USD degree to accept money from a ruinous, poisonous figure.

[And now she’s telling people how to stay healthy. With the science she learned … somewhere.]

Also, girl—WTF?

• Marco is a mystery. Truly, a mystery in an age when few people are mysteries. He has no LinedIn presence. A private IG page. We knew he attended high school in Hungary …

… know he participates in the Citizens Academy. He doesn’t have a kid in Capo Unified schools, making his run extra weird and bewildering. I’ve never seen him at a meeting, and no one I’ve spoken with recalls him in attendance.

Worst of all, because 2 percent of citizens pay close attention to these elections, he’ll have a shot at defeating Dr. Gary Pritchard, a veteran board member and a reasoned, decent, intelligent man who lives and dies with a genuine love for public education.

Here’s a past candidate statement from Pritchard, who worked as a college dean (and doesn’t own a neon-orange Tesla Cybertruck) …

•••

Seriously, we—as a community—have a decision to make.

Decisions.

Namely, are we giving up on normalcy and reason? Are we setting aside experience, qualifications, educational background, and replacing them with snappy IG posts and neon vehicles and wacky nuts who didn’t need formal education … because they learned from influencers and truth-seeking conferences?

Have we reached the point where nothing (literally) nothing matters, besides the glow from our phone as a Kardashian entertains us by eating three pickles in one bite? Are we lost, with no return?

And, along those lines, are we willing to hand our kids’ educations over to circus freaks like Marco Carralero?

Is this where we are?