Jennifer Adnams is a new member of the Capo Unified School Board. She's also a crazy person in a religious pyramid scheme.

Look, if Jesus Christ directly talks to you, you're not crazy. You're a member of a school board.

There is a woman on the board of the Capistrano Unified School District who, I suppose, might present as fairly normal at first blush. She’s fake blonde, 58-years old, has a husband and some kids and a background in education. And if you voted for her in last November’s election, well, it’s probably because you went to her website and read this lovely biography …

Or maybe you saw her family photograph and thought, “Hey, they seem nice. Look at the way her son has his arm around her. I wish my son placed his arm around me that way.”

Perhaps you received one of her free bubble dispensers. Fact: Everyone loves free bubble dispensers …

Whatever the case, in her successful bid to become an influential South Orange County educational figure, Jennifer Adnams sold us a sanitized biography, sold us smiling kids, sold us bubbles and sold us buzz words about reforming education and increasing parental involvement and lovely dovey dovey lovey stuff.

What she (cough, cough) forgot to mention is (cough, cough) she’s a member of a (cough, cough) religious pyramid scheme. Or, put differently—a pyramid scheme cult.

Now, if you’re thinking, “Typical political hyperbole,” well, I get it. The ol’ pyramid scheme/cult thing is thrown around quite often these days. But Adnams is literally a member of something called Kingdom Alliance—a religious/financial pyramid scheme that puts the cuckoo in Jesus’ Cocoa Puffs. Hell, as the “Journey Director for Kingdom Women Global” (her actual title), Adnams is responsible for peddling nine-month Christian curriculum packages to churches, organizations, and individuals with a goal of the multiplication of women advancing “His kingdom.” She is “devoted to seeing His kingdom ushered in everywhere.” Chilling emphasis on everywhere.

I will now do my best to translate: In Jennifer’s mind, there is only one way. The Christian God’s way. And if you’re not with Jennifer, you’re not with the Christian God. Because the Christian God loves Jennifer and has a plan for Jennifer. And if you’re not with the Christian God you’re not with Jennifer, and therefore you’re an enemy. During her campaign, Jennifer literally tarred those against her bid as “enemies.” Also, Jennifer is with the Christian God and Jennifer is a MAGA supporter, so both Jennifer and the Christian God are for Donald Trump. Even though Donald Trump can’t name a single Bible verse, put children in cages, grabbed women by the pussies, mocked folks for being disabled and fat and ugly and stupid, dismissed POWs for being captured (Direct quote: “My heroes weren’t captured.”), has been accused of rape and/or sexual assault by more than two dozen women, hits on his daughter, called military enlistees “suckers and losers,” lied about being a Sept. 11 hero, lied about nearly dying in a helicopter crash, cheated on his first wife with his second wife and his second wife with his third wife and his third wife with a porn star he paid off in hush money, failed to pay shitloads of taxes and goes against every teaching Christians attribute to Jesus Christ, their lord and savior.

Oh, and Jennifer believes—in the most literal sense possible—that God not only directly told her to run for Capo Unified School Board, but wanted her to win. In this “Hello, Clarice”-creepy interview with Kingdom Alliance’s Molly Trotter-Gomez¹, Adnams literally says God specifically blessed her efforts ..

And, dear reader, I want you to think about this. Think about it hard. I get religion, I get faith. Hell, I appreciate and embrace them and very much enjoyed my Bar Mitzvah². Buuuuut … if Jennifer Adnams believes God spoke to her directly, and that God is all knowing and responsible for everything, and God genuinely wanted her to run for Capo Unified School Board and win, well, it’s only logical to believe God also wanted my Grandma Johanna to die alongside 10 million others in the holocaust. God also wanted the Los Angeles fires to destroy much of our beloved Southern California. God wanted the World Trade Center to be demolished, God wanted the 20,538 infants who perished in the United States last year to cease existing. God wants innocents to be beaten and dogs to be tortured and purveyors of good to be burned alive. Heck, in Jennifer World, one must (I’m presuming) believe part of God’s plan is the Catholic priest molestation scandal. Because, as Jennifer will tell you, we are in His Kingdom, and His Kingdom is His will. There are no accidents. Just as God wanted Jennifer to be on the school board, God surely wanted these seven babies to die of hypothermia in Gaza. Right? It’s all His plan.

Wait.

I digress.

Jennifer’s pyramid scheme: It’s real. It’s wild. It’s wacky. And I’d say the Journey Director for Kingdom Women Global was very wise (aka: deceptive) to not mention it during the election³. For had she, voters would have learned that this woman (with a direct line to God) seeking to impact public school educational standards was part of an evangelical marketing scheme that appears to be little different than any other dime-a-dozen bullshit Tupperware-peddling MLM shitshow racket out there.

In short, Kingdom Alliance has people (mostly blonde and almost exclusively white⁴) sell shit. In the name of God. With other Christians. There are three membership options to join Jennifer Adnams in Kingdom Alliance and have the holy honor of peddling nonsense to fools. You can fork over $199.99 down⁵ and $119.99 a month⁶ for the Basic package—which gets you (meh) discounts on shopping and travel, “Growth Resources” and “Community Support.” You can fork over $399.99⁷ down and $149.99⁸ a month for the VIP membership—which gets you (meh) all the basic stuff, plus live training calls, ICF Accredited Academies and “healthcare discounts.” Or—if you’re super smart— you can go Platinum for $599.99⁹ down and $179.99¹⁰ a month and live like Tupac and Suge rolling through Vegas with some bitches and some Hennessy en route to Club 662 …

And, yes, it’s bullshit. All of it. Garbage, get-rich-quick pulp of the worst degree. The hints are all over the website. Limited specifics. Lots of links. Dreams coming true. Smiling white folks who never pass gas. But more than that, it’s the grotesque and unsightly merging of Christianity and salesmanship; fellowship in the name of profit; loving God just enough to worship him from the bow of your 300-foot yacht. Sam Dee, a YouTuber who likes to dig into MLMs, broke it down very well here.

And like the group she represents, Jennifer Adnams is bullshit, too. Once, in a moment of weakness during the campaign, she posted this on her Instagram feed …

… then took it down. Why? Just a guess—but this isn’t a part of her life she wanted mainstream voters to see. Educator? Yes. Parent? Yes. Bubble distributor? Absolutely. Tammy Faye Bakker of Orange County? Hard pass.

So, here are my questions: How does one love public school yet home school? How can one believe in the power of education yet believe school librarians can’t be trusted to run school libraries? How can one fight for personal liberties yet ignore the plights of the LGBTQ community? How can one be a Christian’s Christian yet vote for a rapist charlatan?

Truth be told, Adnams and her Kingdom salvation spreaders seem minimally interested in the public good and hyper focused on making sure as many of us as possible become … them. Mindless Christian soldiers who see the world only through the prism of Christ=Eternal salvation and Rejection of Christ=Hell.

Jennifer Adnams’ hard-to-find Kingdom profile is, well, creepy.

And that would all be fine, were Jennifer Adnams merely a school teacher selling overpriced vacations via her goofy group. But … no. Nowadays, she’s a power player in Orange County education—one of four new Moms for Liberty-endorsed, MAGA church(es)-backed members of the Capo Unified School Board. Why? Because your average voter snoozed and stayed home as the fundamentalists stepped in, stepped up, rallied their flock and took charge.

And here we sit—waiting for the educational apocalypse.

God, it’s me, Jeff Pearlman. I know you’re listening, and I, too, love free bubbles.

But, please, make it stop.

Make it stop.

1. Warning: If this woman pops up on your dating app, swipe left.

2. Mt. Kisco Holiday Inn. 1985. Chicken was served.

3. One thing that confuses me—in her official campaign bio, Jennifer mentions having spent six years teaching at Moulton Elementary in the district. But, in print, she never, ever, ever brings up her decades at Cabrillo Point Academy. Why? I dunno.

4. It appears.

5. Almost $200, but not quite! Praise Jesus!

6. Almost $120, but not quite! Praise Jesus!

7. Almost $400, but not quite! Praise Jesus!

8. Almost $150, but not quite! Praise Jesus!

9. Almost $600, but not quite! Praise Jesus!

10. Almost $180, but not quite! Praise Jesus!