Esther Kim Varet has ferret impulse control

[Ferrets don't have impulse control]

So I was scrolling the ol’ IG this morning, when I stumbled upon a post from @ocforjustice. And, in full transparency, OC for Justice can be … a lot. The feed is combative, challenging, in your face. We’ve had some backs and forths, and it’s not always fun.

That said, the person behind the account (who I won’t identify) is well-intentioned and civic-minded. They’re passionate and invested. As Gerald Ford once said, we can disagree agreeably.

Wait.

I digress.

Earlier today, OC for Justice posted this DM, fired off by Esther Kim Varet, congressional candidate for CA-40 …

And … and … and …

For fuck’s sake.

You know, I’ve been a journalist for more than 30 years. Some of my books have been best-sellers, others have been busts. But, with each release, I inevitably receive heated, upsetting letters, calls and e-mails from pissed-off people. They’ve written about my hairline (admittedly, it’s not the best), my looks (clearly Brad Pitt-ian), my jarring lack of talent, my jarring lack of taste, my inability to piece together sentences. I’ve received threats of violence and threats of death. Hell, former Mets outfielder Lenny Dykstra once posted a photo of my wife on Twitter, and asked people to rate “her hotness”—a few weeks after she’d donated a kidney to a stranger.

And, for the most part, I take deep breaths and follow the advice of the title of this book (shameless family plug alert) …

Why? Because you have to. First, for sanity’s sake. But second, because it’s the best way. Esther wasn’t going to win an IG battle with OC for Justice. Not because she’s unintelligent (Esther is no dummy), but because … it’s fucking impossible. When you run for office or star in movies or create songs or (gasp) write books, people aspire to burrow under your skin. To get your goat. To coerce a response. It’s the most 2026 thing ever, and we all see it coming.

All of us—except Esther.

This woman (again, no dummy) has the impulse control of a ferret. She cannot not respond. To anyone. To everyone. There’s always a reason; a “But, if you heard what he said about me …” or “But, if you know what I’ve been through …” or “But her social media feed is racist/sexist/homophobic/anti-Semitic.” And it’s routinely trash justification by a person who has cycled through a conga line of campaign managers and advisers and who behaves like a seventh-grader trying out for varsity.

She’s not ready for this.

•••

Once upon a time, after Barry Bonds left Pittsburgh to join the San Francisco Giants, Pirates outfielder Andy Van Slyke said of his former teammate, “I’d rather lose without Barry than win with him.”

That, sincerely, is how I am starting to feel about Esther Kim Varet.

I don’t care if Lisa Ramirez and Joe Kerr lack Esther’s money and pizzazz. I don’t care if she’s smarter, prettier, taller, more connected, better at gymnastics and trivia and dropping funky beats. Since the CA-40 is a post-Prop 50 uber longshot, I’d rather at least put forward a candidate who represents Democrats well; who speaks with sincerity and authenticity; who … DOESN’T FUCKING FLY OFF THE HANDLE AND RAGE DM PEOPLE EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE WEEK.

Inevitably, in the aftermath of this post, I will receive texts from Esther and her husband.

They will tell me Esther is the only Democrat who can win.

They will tell me I’m ruining things.

They will tell me why the other candidates are hopeless.

They will tell me this and that and that and this and blah and blur and argh and oy and oomph and piss and vinegar.

The thing is, it won’t really matter, for I stopped paying close attention to the buffoonery long again.

Which is great for my sanity.

But awful, if you’re running for office and hope to win.

PS …