Why would the Orange County GOP support a guy who pepper sprayed police?
I am stumped. So here's how I imagine the meeting going down.
So I’m not one to dwell on subjects and, as a rule, I’ll try not to do so here. But something truly has me stumped. And it’s this …
The more I think about this upcoming event in Clubhouse 5, the more bewildered I become. So you’re Patricia Micone, president of the Republican Club of Laguna Woods. You’ve got a bunch of members, you’re feeling great about the 2024 elections, you love sunshine and long walks on the beach and YouTube clips of The Villages. Like, you’re Tupac after laying down “Hit ‘Em Up.” Rolling in the moment.
And then, someone (a member, perhaps?) says, “I have an idea for a guest speaker!”
This is how I imagine it went …
MEMBER: “I have an idea for a guest speaker.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Shirley, your son sells drumsticks at Disney. He’s not speaking.”
MEMBER: “No, no. Better! Jeffrey Scott Brown!”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: Blank stare
MEMBER: “He stormed the Capitol on January 6 …”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “What?”
MEMBER: “He broke through the barricade.”
[Patricia pauses. A strange feeling overtakes her loins. Her mind flashes to a shirtless Lee Greenwood]
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “You’ve got my attention.”
MEMBER: “He took pepper spray from someone.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Oh, baby.”
MEMBER: “And then he used it to spray another officer in the face.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “In the face?”
MEMBER: “Yes. In. The. Face. Went all Drago on that bitch.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Did he do time?”
MEMBER: “Lots of time!”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “This is awesome.”
MEMBER: “Best of all, he’s local! He’s from the OC.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Just like Kristin Cavallari.”
MEMBER: “I don’t know who that is.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Can we afford him?”
MEMBER: “That’s the most amazing part! My son bumped into him at the Huntington Beach Library the other day. They were both accusing the librarian of being a DEI hire …”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Was the librarian Black?”
MEMBER: “Don’t be racist.”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Sorry.”
MEMBER: “Girl, I’m kidding. Of course she was Black.”
[They both giggle, though Patricia is still struggling to remove this visual from her mind]
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “So, just to get this straight. Jeffrey Scott Brown broke into the Capitol, stole some pepper spray, used the pepper spray on a police officer, was arrested and sentenced to prison?”
MEMBER: “Yes!”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “And now he wants to speak to our group? For free?”
MEMBER: “Yes!”
PATRICIA MICONE, CLUB PRESIDENT: “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
MEMBER: “Shirtless Lee Greenwood?”
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