So ... where will we get our porn after June 10? (I'm asking for a friend)

We'd like to thank Chad Williams, Pat Burns and Gracey Van Der Mark for hooking us up with the tug tug. We'd also like to remind Huntington Beach residents to vote YES on measures A and B.

In their final effort to chase porn out of Surf City, a hooker, Mayor Pat Burns, council members Gracey Van Der Mark (dressed as vagina), Chad Williams and a giant penis held a press conference at the local strip club. Lunch (and lap dances) were served.

I am sad.

So, so sad.

So, so terribly sad.

We are four days away from June 10, which means we’re four days away from Huntington Beach Mayor Pat Burns and his City Council colleagues, Chad Williams and Gracey Larrea-Van Der Mark, no longer besieging us with smut. No more images of big dicks, of flabby breasts, of sparkly nipples. No more vaginas, no more ass cracks, no more descriptions of 69 and 96 and 44 1/2. No more handing out Hustler-worthy imagery at kid-oriented Easter fairs. No more garage meet-ups with Ron Jeremy and Sal the Plastic Dildo. I will no longer turn to Chad’s Instagram feed to hear him steamily, seductively describe two male bodies coming together as one, heaving, pulsating, sweating out their pores, tongues touching …

Whoaaaaaa.

Hold on.

I need a minute.

Deep breath. Deep breath. Think of vanilla wafers. Think of vanilla wafers. Think of …

OK. I’m back.

On June 10, ballots are due in regards to Huntington Beach Library Measures A and B—both of which involve the draconian, alt-right MAGA City Council doing its best Russell Vought Two Step to make certain parents and students are the underlings of politicians. Specifically, Measure A calls for putting an end to a law created in 2024 that brought forth the birth of a 21-member children’s book review board. Explained the Orange County Register’s Michael Slaten: “The board has not yet been formed, but it has the power to move children’s books already in the library to restricted shelves that wouldn’t allow children to check them out without a parent’s or guardian’s permission. The board also has the power to block the library from purchasing new books that a majority of its members decide don’t meet ‘community standards.’”

Measure B, meanwhile, would throw a wrench in the City Council’s diabolical plan to have the public library’s operations become privatized and—theoretically—fall under the sway of the MAGA asswipes who decide upon the corporations deemed worthy of overlording what books one can access.

Obviously—and emphatically—please vote YES on both measures.

I repeat—vote YES. This is going to be a close one.

Vote YES.

And since you’re here, I’d like to reiterate a point I’ve made several times on this website. Namely (clears throat) … what the fuck is wrong with the members of the Huntington Beach City Council? Seriously—what the fuck is wrong with these people? And when did they start confusing “sitting on a community board” with “overlording the lives of citizens”? Like, what made them get here? What odd mind worm infiltrated their brains? Did they fall from a high branch? Sniff too much glue at the ol’ Elmer’s factory? How did a racist former cop (Burns) designate himself a judge of decency? How did a Christian Nationalist/ex-Navy SEAL (Williams) decide he needs to control the books we read? How did a woman comfortable flashing white power signs (Van Der Mark) look herself in the mirror and conclude, “I’m the one to handle this?”

As Tim Walz would note, these people are weird. Really, really weird. But they are also narcissistic control freaks unwilling to simply do their base-level jobs and look out for the community. So they overreach and overreach and overreach, and now Huntington Beach is wasting hundreds of thousands of civic dollars on base-level nonsense.

Lastly, not for nothing—who goes to a public library for porn? Seriously—who, in 2025, is thinking to themselves, “Yeah, I know I have a cell phone. But you know where the really steamy stuff sits? On the second floor of the Huntington Beach Library! In the kids’ section! Hubba hubba!”

It’s just the dumbest shit ever.

So vote YES, then vote YES again—and let’s get back to the important work at hand.

Lap dances at Thee Doll House.