Look who's lining up behind Michael Gates
All the dillweeds! Every single one.
Have you ever had crabgrass growing in your yard?
It’s stubborn, and ugly, and plenty difficult to get rid of. You can spray all the chemicals from the garage, the crabgrass won’t budge. You can yank down to the roots, the crabgrass won’t budge. Truth is, many gardeners will tell you the best way to rid oneself of crabgrass is to ignore it.
Ultimately, left to its own demise, the crabgrass fades away and dies.
Which brings me to Michael Gates …
As we speak, Gates—the former Huntington Beach city attorney who left to join the Trump administration last February—is in the infant stages of an uphill run for California Attorney General. He announced his candidacy last week in a wacky and gumbo-filled press conference at Pier Plaza in his home city, where he stood behind a big blue sign as all the book banners and MAGA suckers and QAnon fans held American flags and smiled and clapped and dreamed of ICE agents dragging off the brownest of children. Pat Burns was there! Casey McKeon and Gracey Van Der Mark, too! Chad Williams, the Navy SEAL who turned in his honor for power, popped up! This is just a guess, but somewhere in the background surely David Duke and the ghost of Nathan Bedford Forrest lingered, bellowing, “Do it, Mike! Fight for the white people!”
And Gates … well, he’s a special dude. Or, as Mahatma Gandhi once said, “If you’re too corrupt for Donald Trump, you’ve got hella problems, bruh.” According to the Orange County Register, Gates was fired by the U.S. Department of Justice “for cause.”
This, from the Register …
My favorite segment of the Register piece involved Pat Burns and Butch (Always Winning) Twining, hard-right members of Huntington Beach’s city council/walking endorsements for swiping left. Both guys said: A. They needed to know the details of Gates’ dismissal; B. Even if the details were bad, they’d still support the dude. “I don’t think it’s going to affect my decision,” Twining said. “Huntington Beach is better off with Michael Gates. I still support him and will always support him. He’s a good man, a great attorney and great for Huntington Beach.”
And if you need a translation, it’s this: We don’t care. Just as we don’t care about the contents of the Epstein Files, we don’t care about Michael Gates’ misdeeds. Because he is one of us, and one of us is better than any of you.
Gates insists he was not terminated, and—according to the Los Angeles Times—“produced an email from the office of the assistant attorney general that stated his termination had been rescinded and removed, and that his voluntary resignation had been accepted.” This, however, is dubious material. Linguistic line dancing.
Whatever the case, Michael Gates back in California and better than ever and gearing up to lose by 20-to-30 points come November.
Perhaps crabgrass can be destroyed after all.
Don’t forget the ghost of John Birch. It seems to have manifested right there in Huntington Beach. I’m happy Gates is running - they can throw money at him and it won’t be spent doing hit jobs on Democratic candidates.
So let's get this straight:
1. Maga Mike Gates "resigns" from his dream job working under Trump because "he missed his family"
2. There just happens to be an open city attorney position with his old employer paying ~a quarter million dollars a year
3. Maga Mike Gates says he will begin working for the city of Huntington Beach again starting on November 24th
4. Reports come out that Maga Mike Gates was fired for cause from the DOJ for creating a hostile work environment against women (Gates was previously named as a defendant in a $2.5M city payout for age/disability discrimination)
5. The HB City Council hold a closed-door meeting, of which no one knows what was discussed or the outcome
6. Maga Mike Gates produces an email showing that the DOJ rescinded his termination and accepted his resignation (note: did not admit he was not originally fired for cause)
7. Maga Mike Gates says his new job with the city is a "perfect fit" and reiterates there is a signed agreement
8. At no point is it evident that Maga Mike Gates is doing any actual work for the city of Huntington Beach
9. Maga Mike Gates decides that he has had enough of the perfect fit and doesn't miss his family anymore and decides that he will enter a race that he essentially will never win for a job that is now over 400 miles away from his family
Something is definitely not adding up here, even by MAGA logic