Huntington Beach's newest City Council member is an unqualified celebrity chef. Because—hey. Why not?

To quote P.T. Barnum, "Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung."

Back in a past life, when I covered Major League Baseball for Sports Illustrated, my least favorite genre of athlete was the idiot convinced he was genius.

Every roster had a couple of these guys. They’d lecture the media on the deficiencies of the printed word. They’d hold court among teammates to break down contract negotiations. They tended to be loud and obnoxious and rarely lasted long in clubhouses. For example, there was a pitcher, Jeff Juden, who threw hard and had excellent stuff, yet long believed he was an Einstein among rocks. This is why he played for eight teams over nine seasons. His bullshit wore thin.

I bring this up because, in chronicling the Truth OC, I have paid far too much attention to the Huntington Beach City Council, a corrupt, rudderless collection of MAGA-obeying Judens who scoff at constituents (at least those who dare disagree with their edicts) and behave more like a royal court than humble elected officials in a mid-sized beach town. They are, person to person, as dumb and incurious as it gets.

And while the whole recent MAGA plaque thing was of note, as was Chris Kluwe’s resulting post-protest arrest, I’m not sure I actually witnessed the sludge-stuck-to-your-soles bottom until earlier this week, when the five remaining council members gathered to appoint a replacement for the recently departed Tony Strickland, who left to represent state Senate District 36.

The man they selected was …

(drumroll)

… Andrew Gruel! Whose, eh, four qualifications are:

1. Beard.

2. Lives in Huntington Beach.

3. Would happily soap and shampoo Donald Trump’s testicles in warm water.

4. Celebrity chef.

That’s it. Really. That’s it. He has no political experience. Has never held office or served on a board of note. He doesn’t have a history of particularly strong or unique positions, other than MASKS BAD and NEWSOM BAD and APPEARING ON FOX NEWS GOOD. He founded Slapfish and cooks food. Well. But food nonetheless. “A lot of people probably look at my position and say, what the heck does a chef know about all that stuff?” Gruel said to the Los Angeles Times’ Matt Szabo.

Indeed, that’s a hella good question. What the heck does a chef know about all that stuff? Ordinances and decrees; laws and citywide approaches to regulation. Fortunately for Gruel, in Huntington Beach one doesn’t have to know about all that stuff. Or even some of that stuff.

All one has to do is wear a red hat and profess undying loyalty to a crazy man who wants to absorb Canada. Hell, because the meeting was deemed a special gathering, Mayor Pat Burns (who puts the dic in dictionary) brought out his bust of Donald Trump, and placed it atop his desk for all to see. It’s Burns being an asshole—plain and simple; his attempt to goad and mock those who dislike the president; his attempt to be more wrestling heel than leader; his attempt to revert to fourth-grade schoolyard antics.

In a normal world, a city council holds open deliberations on a new appointee. Yes, it’s ultimately their decision to fill a vacancy, but the right and just and decent and democratic thing to do is to explain the Whys. Why Andrew. What he has to offer. Why residents should embrace him. But Burns did none of that, and when protesters turned ornery he ordered the room cleared. He seemed happy doing so—Bull Connor meets Bobby Knight meets Officer Krupke.

It was a sad, petty, disturbing display from a Lilliputian ex-cop who, minus gun and badge, still clearly craves a degree of power. Burns is a Ron Jeremy-sized dick. It’s startling to behold.

Alas, Huntington Beach got its newest city council member.

As dignity slunk out the back door.