Huntington Beach needs a Trump statue

Hey, libs! Stop your damn whining and get behind the movement.

So in case y’all missed this, Huntington Beach is considering the placement of a permanent bronze Donald Trump statue in Patriot Plaza, which sits alongside the Huntington Beach Civic Center.

Pat Burns, the veteran council member/walking embodiment of a penis-shaped bowling pin, is 100-percent behind the idea, which would involve the handiwork of Steven Barber, he of many statues, and Anthony Constantino, CEO of Sticker Mule (Mental note: Never, ever, ever use Sticker Mule). According to the Orange County Register, “the 7-foot bronze sculpture would depict Trump in a full suit with one fist raised and a red “Make America Great Again” hat in his other hand, reminiscent of the president after the shooting at a 2024 campaign event in Butler, Pennsylvania.”

Of course, local Democrats (and general sane people) have come out against the idea. Here, take a gander …

And, to Palumbo, Glim, Davis and Spivey—well, I suggest re-considering the take on this one. I think, truly, Huntington Beach is 100-percent worthy of the Trump statue. I think they should build it, I think it should be prominently placed and I think we’ll need a ceremony for the unveiling. Maybe Tito Ortiz and Charlie Kirk’s widow can attend.

Most important, I think the Donald Trump statue must be accompanied by the most sturdy of plaques, and it needs to read this: THIS STATUE WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY THE SEVEN MEMBERS OF THE HUNTINGTON BEACH CITY COUNCIL. THEY ARE: CASEY MCKEON. BUTCH TWINING. GRACEY VAN DER MARK. DON KENNEDY. CHAD WILLIAMS. ANDREW GRUEL. I actually would add some extra context, something like, “In the summer of 2026, these seven people believed Donald Trump was the savior of democracy and the beacon of patriotism. They were all in on MAGA and would have done anything for the president.”

I’m not joking.

Why? Because while I can’t tell you how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, or who started for the Seattle Mariners on Opening Day 1979, I know—without question—this does not end well for Donald Trump and his anti-democracy, anti-free speech, anti-diversity lemmings. Hell, it might take decades to get there. Many decades. But, ultimately, people will look back at this period in world history, when a racist, greedy, incompetent, narcoleptic madman made $2 billion while in office; had unvetted masked agents pulling over brown people, ripping them from their vehicles and—in some cases—murdering them; mocked the disabled and the poor and foreign-born and the blue-collar and the struggling; said POWs weren’t heroes and E. Jean Carroll was asking for it; sat back and watched as his supporters stormed the Capitol and set up a noose for his vice president …

On and on.

Folks will look back and ask, “How did anyone support this? How could anyone support this?

“Who would support this?”

Then they will visit Surf City, walk toward Patriot Plaza and see:

CASEY MCKEON.

BUTCH TWINING.

GRACEY VAN DER MARK.

DON KENNEDY.

CHAD WILLIAMS.

ANDREW GRUEL.

That will explain everything.