Charles Pell's grotesque maneuver

Tell me you're a xenophobic asshole without telling me you're a xenophobic asshole.

Nah, bruh. Hard pass.

There’s a race going on for the County Superior Court Judge gig (Office No. 41), and it features a little shell of a man who deserves to be a judge the way I deserve to lead the Society to End Profanity.

The shell of a man is named Charles Pell. And if you just scan his resume, you’d be inclined to think, “Oh, not a bad dude.” Pell is a Navy veteran, a former federal prosecutor, a USC Law grad and a father to this little guy …

Again, not bad.

But then, two months ago, Pell did something so, so, so, so disturbing and so, so, so, so nasty that it eliminates the military experience, the USC time, the cute kid. In his race for the judge gig, he filed a lawsuit against the Orange County Registrar of Voters, demanding his incumbent opponent appear on the ballot by her full name (Ami Sheth Sagel), as opposed to her listed name (Ami S. Sagel). And why, oh, why, would Charles Pell do such a thing? Like, why would he care what name Sagel goes by? Why would it worry him? Concern him? Consume him?

Easy: Xenophobia.

“Sheth,” Sagel has explained, is of Indian origin because (gasp) her parents are (gasp) Indian. And, because we’re living in the hellscape of 2026, when Ethiopians need to go back to their shit-hole country and brown people are being held in detention camps and white South Africans are greeted with open arms and the president can spew racist garbage without much backlash, Pell likely figured these things (Sheth!) matter. Remind Orange County’s majority white voters that Sagel is really Sheth, then pull the electoral upset …

And the weird part? Like, the weirdest part? Pell’s partner is Latina. His biological son is of mixed heritage. Which matters, quite literally, 0%. Hell, I actually think it’s cool. I love diversity. I love embracing cultures. I love compassion, empathy, kindness.

One might think Charles Pell would, too.

Of course, the lawsuit went nowhere. Wilfred J. Schneider Jr., a San Bernardino County Superior Court Judge, denied all four claims in a writ petition seeking to compel the Orange County Registrar of Voters to change Sagel’s ballot name and revise her candidate statement. And Pell has spent the last two months insisting he wasn’t being a jerk; just sticking to the rules and blah blah blah.

Not the behavior we’d like in a judge.

Or a human.