Carmela Atria

A weird little side post about a weird little moment featuring a weird little person (NOTE: This has nothing to do with OC politics. I just felt like venting)

So, in the aftermath of publishing a book, authors often find themselves heading to Amazon to check out reviews. I’m not saying it’s particularly healthy or reasonable, but we (as a species) pretty much all do it.

Why? Because even though we try and project a writer-ish confidence, we’re a thin-skinned lot of gnomes and hobbits. We put our shit out there, and we hope people dig it. We certainly hope people buy it.

Anyhow, it’d been a few days since I last visited. And the most recent review of my book, “Only God Can Judge Me: The Many Lives of Tupac Shakur,” was this …

Initially, I was like, “Whoa—that person really hates my writing.” But then I read the name. And, I dunno, it sounded familiar. Really familiar. Carmela Atria. Carmela Atria? Do I know a Carmela Atria?

So I Googled.

And—bam! Yes!

Carmela Atria is your dime-a-dozen right-wing MAGA zealot peanut brittle who makes a lot of cackling noises back in Putnam County, N.Y., where I was born and raised. A few years ago she gained some note for being a racist piece of shit. If you don’t believe me, check out this article, headlined, CARMEL SCHOOL BOARD CANDIDATE UNDER FIRE FOR RACIALLY-CHARGED POSTS. Of the Jan. 6 attacks, she wrote on social media: “The whole thing is such a joke. Democrats labeled it as a drama insurrection for the gullible audience just for show and hype. Meanwhile, the convictions are trespassing and disorderly conduct. I’m not saying it was right, but it was so obviously a set up. Brandon is now acting as though it’s a tragic day as compared to 911. Not all Americans feel this way. Many of us don’t even respect the left corruption in Congress. They are ruining this country. I could give 2 (poop emoji) they were afraid for their lives.”

Atria later said (wait for it) her social media was hacked, and the posts weren’t hers. Which … OK, girl.

But, really, there’s a bigger point here. A more important one: If you’re someone like Carmela Atria, and you wanna take shots at an author whose politics you dislike, and you want to do so via a one-star Amazon review … for fuckity fucks sakes, DON’T USE AN ACCOUNT WITH YOUR REAL NAME ATTACHED TO IT! Jesus Christ, how hard is it not to be a moron? Girl, exercise some judgment and create a fake account. It’s far from an arduous process.

Also, I know you didn’t read the book, because that would involve reading a book that doesn’t involve some kooky-ass global conspiracy weirdness.

The thing is, these people are easily swayed and shrub dumb. It’s the unifying MAGA connection. Carmela Atria, Brett Favre, Lisa Davis, Amber Smith, Mike Munzing. They exist on the lowest plane, where moths rest and crumbs fall and dogs discard their hardened excrement. They’re uneducated and unenlightened and easy marks for people screaming “Communist!” and “Anarchist!” and “Socialist!” They know not what those words mean. Just that they are words.

So, dear Carmela Atria, I am sorry you disliked the book you did not read.

I am also sorry you didn’t receive sufficient love as a child.

PS: What’s so bad about working at Home Depot?

PPS: If you want a good laugh.